Today we went into the doctor for the second time this week. My son Deacon has had his second ear infection (after being clear for ten days after his last) and we have gone through all kinds of antibiotics. The current antibiotic he is on has to be administered through an injection in his leg. This isn't like your normal vaccine though, this is thick.. and long.. and it hurts way more.
FUN....
said no one ever.
To give you an idea of what this looks like, because he is still so little and can't sit still for these injections we have to hold his arms and legs so that he is safe while they are giving him the injection. As a mom, this is one of the worst things ever.
What can feel even worse is that I am the one opting to give him these injections. So basically, I am choosing an option that causes pain for my son. What mom wants that??? ANWSER: none.
I never want my son to feel an ounce of pain ever, but because his ear is infected, he needs these antibiotics to help heal him. So sadly, I am choosing to literally hold him down to keep him in a moment that causes pain because the end result is his ears being healed.
And of course afterwards, I scoop him up so fast and snuggle him so close until he's finally calmed down and has put the whole thing behind him.
So yesterday, I was driving home thinking about how awful that moment was and the possibility of how I might have to do it again tomorrow if the second dosage wasn't enough to bring full healing. As I am driving, I remembered an illustration a speaker gave in college of the exact same situation. How awful he felt, how hard it was, etc. but also how he related it to our relationship as children of God.
It had clicked before, but not in the same way. Not in the same way as this season.
Here is what hit me in a new profound way.
God is my "Abba, father" and he cares deeply for me. So much so that He sent his son to die so that I could have life in Him. And because his love for us is so great, he sometimes allows hard things into our life to help us grow - to make us well.
In this season I have felt like Deacon - kicking and screaming because I don't want to feel hurt and I don't want to have to be in the position where I "need shots".
But here I am. Infected by all the hurts of this fallen world, in need of my Healer.
I sit before a loving God that is allowing things to prune me, to grow me, to show me all of the places I am infected so that He can heal me day by day, minute by minute. And you better bet that He is also there scooping me up and holding me close to comfort me at the end of my tantrum. What a good, good Father He is.
So I don't know where you are or if this even resonates with you at all, but it just hit me in the soft spot yesterday. I just wanted to encourage anyone else that feels like they are kicking and screaming right now that you have a loving, caring, comforting, and healing Father that adores you. Lean in close - even when it hurts.
Caitlyn
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