I seriously cannot believe it has been a whole year since I have written on this blog. That is just so crazy to me. It's definitely not for a lack of desire, because I have wanted to, but just have not really made it a priority until now.
So last post was all about 2016 so I am going to give you the quick run down on 2017!
Here we go!
This year we started with a 3.5 month old and now we have a big ONE year old?!
It is just amazing to me how much things can change, especially with babies, in a whole year. Here are just some of the challenges and triumphs we've had this year:
Nursing, not producing enough milk, realizing the amazing invention of formula, acid reflux, lactose intolerance, refusal to sleep through the night, finally sleeping through the night, napping with mom, poop, poop, poop, colds, snuggles, eating table food, crawling, falling, walking, falling, running, falling, talking, gut-laughing, exploring, friends, walks, runs, tears, hugs, and everything in between.
This whole motherhood thing has been such a wild, fun, hard ride. There have definitely been hard seasons throughout these 15 months, but man, there has been more joy and love than I could have ever even imagined. I feel like my heart is going to burst with love every single day, even on days when I want to pull my hair out or just throw in the towel because someone won't nap (any other moms feel me on this? There is just SOMETHING about a kid refusing to nap that will just send me into a crazy person).
But besides this whole motherhood thing which is a whole learning curve on its own, staying at home with Deacon has been much harder than I thought.
I have always known that being a Stay At Home Mom was really hard work but somehow, someway my heart just felt that it wasn't enough. That mothering was not enough in itself, but that I as a person needed to find some other way to "work". So for the past year I have been searching for a way that I could be "great" at something. To be seen and be known until I found myself just going and going, spinning my wheels and focusing on myself. Focusing on all the other things I needed to be doing to be seen, and be known, instead of sitting still and listening to the Lord.
But, you know the Lord is just SO good in that He just pursues the heck out of us. I mean, sheesh. Because here I was just going and doing and elevating myself and He was sitting there all along saying, "Caitlyn, I see you. I know you. I love you. Look to me". It wasn't until this summer when He put MY NAME on the heart of the pastor who married us along with a few other amazing, Godly ladies and asked us to get together for a retreat. WHAT? Me? I couldn't believe it.
So, I started asking "why?" Asking, "what do you have for me, Lord?".
There was no answer, so it began a season of waiting and wondering. What was I doing? What was it that HE was calling me to in this season? I hadn't asked any of that before. I hadn't stopped to wonder either of those things. In the months ahead, studying 2 Samuel 5, I learned that David goes into 2 different battles, although they are similar in situation. This first time he inquires of the Lord, which isn't unusual for David, but it was the second time he asked the Lord that hit me. The same situation is presented before him but he doesn't just assume what he is to do based off of how the Lord instructed him the first time. David wanted to know what to do THIS time. And wouldn't you know, the Lord had a different action plan for him.
It seems so simple to just ask the Lord what steps to take, but we don't often do it. We so often disobey and go our own direction, exalting ourselves. Exactly what I was doing this year.
But yall, here is the thing.
He is so loving, so patient, and so kind, that He waits for us. He continues day after to day to pursue us and call us to Him BY NAME. There is just something about this that just brings me to tears every single time. That even in my disobedience and my pursuit of self, God absolutely adores me and pursues my heart to draw me closer to Him. To give me life in Him.
And sometimes this joy of Life in Him comes in a quiet season. My friend spoke this over me at our retreat and so I thought I would share. Maybe in this world of social media, you don't feeling like you are doing enough or being enough. But friend, YOU ARE ENOUGH. I am enough. And we don't need to have a million followers, or write a book, have a blog, start a podcast, or whatever it is that you think you NEED to do to be enough. There is fullness in being seen, known, and loved by the God of the Universe being right where you are, in whatever stage of life you are in. In the job you are in, in the place where He has put you, with the people who are around you. For me right now thats, mothering, loving my husband well, being diligent to listen and seek the Lord, and to pursue the passions he has given me as time allows.
So lets just be all in. Lets ask the Lord where He wants us and not get caught up in the busyness of life. Lets just find all of our worth in being fully know, seen, and loved by the God of the Universe.
No comments:
Post a Comment