Victory

After putting 2013 behind (with the many blessings that were in it) I have to say that I was ready for 2014 to get here. There have been difficult years in my life and 2013 was one of them. It was not a bad year by any means considering all the blessings the Lord gave me- specifically marrying my sweet husband and starting our new family - proving that even in the midst of a trial the Lord is faithful.

Throughout college I heard the phrase several times, "if you are not going through a trial, you are just leaving one or about to be in one". In James he says, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trails of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness"(1:2). Notice he did not say IF you encounter trials, but WHEN you meet trials. Because during college I would not have considered myself in the middle of a trial, I was always trying to prepare myself for when I would meet one. I would pray that I could be like Job, rejoice in my sufferings, cling to the Word of the Lord and depend on Him for my every strength. 

Then the trial came… excuse me… then the trials came. 

I felt like I was hit with a ton of bricks. It would start with a smaller trial that seemed hard, but somewhat manageable and then another would reveal itself being a little less manageable, until I got to one that was unmanageable. I could not control it. So there I was. I had found myself in the middle of this trial and I felt like I had completely collapsed on the inside. For that year, I was swimming just trying to keep my head above water. I would pray to the Lord for answers, but He wasn't moving fast enough or how I had wanted Him to, so I slowly found myself drifting from His presence. Hurting and fighting with only myself while believing all of the lies satan told to me - being deceived by the enemy. 

Then came 2014. Wow, was the Lord so faithful to me. I sat in my kitchen assessing my past year now being on the down slope of this period of trials. As I sat there, the Lord was graceful in showing me how I had responded to that time in my life. He could have let me continue to drift, but because God is faithful, loving and gracious He plucked me out of the water I was slowing drowning in and brought me back. What I saw what the exact opposite of who I had hoped to be when trials were brought my way.  In the midst of this particular trial, I did not rejoice in my sufferings, I internally threw pity parties for myself in my hurt. I did not spend time in the Word, I spent time listening to what the Enemy had to say instead of what my God and Savior had to say.  I relied on myself to find the strength within, to gain control over my situation when in reality the more control I tried to have the less in control I felt. I had been unfaithful to say that least. God had allowed a trial in my life. I had been tested and I had failed. But praise Jesus who saved me even when I was unfaithful. The same Jesus who forgives me and shows me grace even when I fail. Jesus, who despite my sin and unbelief, died for me so that I might have life in Him. The Lord is Faithful. 

After assessing my past year, I got to enter into 2014. Fresh and desperately desiring to walk step in step with the Lord. Casey and I decided to start a tradition where every year we choose a word that we are going to work towards as a couple in the next year. After much prayer and assessment of our past year, Casey and I decided on the word OBEDIENT. Already during this past month the Lord has been faithful to bless us and teach us what it looks like to be more obedient. 

 As I sit here now, I share with you out of obedience to the Lord this story of victory God has brought me through as an encouragement to those who might need it. Through 2013 lies of failure, self-doubt, discouragement, defeat, as well as many others had taken up residence in my mind.  As I sit today with Praying Gods Word by Beth Moore, the Lord spoke to me through this passage in her chapter titled "Overcoming the Enemy". It reminds me much of my story this past year and I pray it lifts spirits of those who need it.

" I hope so much that you might be able to learn from my experience rather than one of your own. Satan is in a huff because he was hoping I'd be too embarrassed to share it. He was wrong. If my story could help you, it is worth whatever disparaging thoughts someone could think of me. You see, as much as I wish my testimony could be defeat followed by salvation followed by consistent victory, it is not. My testimony is salvation, confusion, misery, defeat, success, more defeat, unmitigated failure, then victory…. In essence, my testimony is that there is life after failure. Abundant, effective, Spirit-filled life… for those who are willing to repent hard and work hard! I have a feeling somebody needed to hear that. Yes, God can still use us, but we must fall on our faces in desperation, taking full responsibility for our own sin but no one else's, receive His loving discipline, and walk radically in the truth of God's Word. … For folks like me, there's a not a lot of gray. I learned the hard way what can happen if you wander too close to a hole. You can fall in." Praying God's Word (pg 307)

So for those of you out there who are in the midst of a trial, just leaving a trial, or about to be in a trial cling to the Word of the Lord, be faithful in prayer, and do not wander close to the hole where Satan waits to fill you with his many lies. But if you, like me, wandered too close or fell in, be encouraged friend, our God is victorious in all things. 

"from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy" (Psalm 61:2-3)

"Put on the whole armor of God, that ou may be ble to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness… Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit." (Ephesians 6: 11-12, 14-18)